Welcome back empowered readers,

If you are like the millions of people around the world, you might have lost your job recently amid the current COVID-19 pandemic. How should you handle your emotional reaction and psychological stress during this time?

During the past month, unemployment insurance claims in Canada soared past three million. After the final numbers are tallied, Canada’s job losses will likely be record-setting. All around the world economies are all experiencing similar situations as millions of people are laid off because of the pandemic. According to Professor David Blustein, a professor of counselling psychology at Boston College, “this is going to be a global pandemic of unemployment”.

Furthering the presenting psychological challenges that these dramatic changes have presented for Canadians, common stressors that we are facing today include…

• Financial stress
• Trauma response including…
  • feeling hypervigilant
  • anxiety
  • hypoactive or depressed
• Grief

Processing Loss
Losing a job often equates to the grief of losing a loved one; the emotional trajectory can include any of the stages of grief, which run from shock and denial, through anger and bargaining, and eventually acceptance and hope.
Losing any job can be emotionally wracking, but to do so in our current environment of heightened uncertainty can add additional stressors into the mix.

What I have found most helpful with clients is pointing out that they are going through a loss. Once they realize this, they have become more compassionate and understanding with themselves and give themselves permission to feel what they feel. Whether that be anger, sadness, numb, anxious, helpless, confused, relief etc.

Stay Balanced
The best piece of advice that I can give during these circumstances is to try and maintain some measure of equilibrium during this unprecedented situation. Studies have shown that people who suffered financial, housing or job-related hardship following the Great Recession were more vulnerable to mental health problems.

How can I maintain balance?

Recognize elements of your environment that you can and cannot control and focus on what you can control. For example…

• What you spend your time doing (i.e. limiting exposure to the news and social media)
• Finishing projects at home that have been on your “To Do List” (i.e. spring cleaning, organizing)
• Take up a healthy hobby (i.e. meditation, knitting, drawing/painting etc.)
• Get moving (i.e. yoga, go for a walk around the block, stairs)
• Your positive attitude (i.e. share memories, picture albums, focus on what is good)
• Kindness and gratitude (what are you grateful for? How can you support your community?)

If you are needing additional support during this time, please reach out today. My approach and services can be tailored depending on your unique circumstance.

To your empowered wellness,

Exchiela
 

Welcome back empowered readers,

Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself.

How do you rate your self-compassion?

Be honest, on a scale of 1-10 how compassionate are you with yourself?

This rating can vary, being honest, sometimes I rate at a 4 and other times I rate at a 9.

Perhaps the single best way to provoke compassion for yourself is through this exercise: treating yourself like a good friend.
It’s easy to give our friends love, compassion, and understanding, even when they fail or make a mistake. It can be much harder to extend that same understanding and compassion to ourselves when we make a mistake.

Follow these instructions from self-compassion expert Dr. Kristin Neff to start showing yourself more compassion:

First, think about times when a close friend feels really bad about him or herself or is really struggling in some way.

• How would you respond to your friend in this situation (especially when you’re at your best)?
• Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you typically talk to your friends.

Now think about times when you feel bad about yourself or are struggling.

• How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations?
• Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself.
• Did you notice a difference? If so, ask yourself why.
• What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently?
• Please write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend when you’re suffering.

 
An exercise like this can be a first step towards treating yourself like a good friend – not just for a quick, 10-minute exercise, but for life.
 
To your empowered wellness,

Exchiela

Welcome back empowered readers,

The holidays can be an exciting time for celebrating with friends and family. There can also be pressure to be seen a certain way. This pressure can feel overwhelming if you are dealing with stress, mental health, feelings of isolation, dealing with the loss of a loved one or struggling with emotional difficulties. To top it all off, pressures of financial strain can also bring added anxiety and stress to a time when we are to be enjoying our loved ones.

Here are 5 suggestions for ways of dealing with the holidays:

     1. Budget
Financial strain and stress is a common holiday trigger and exceptionally so during the current economic environment. Buying presents, food and travelling are common spending needed during the festive season and it may be easy to overextend yourself.

• Plan your budget in advance. Consider making this budget now if you haven’t already.
• Only spend cash or debit, avoid credit cards if possible.
• Make presents to off-set costs or host a Secret Santa for your friends and family.

 
     2. Set Realistic Expectations
Expectations that society (and ultimately ourselves) place on the holiday season can add pressure to already strained              relationships. Being realistic about what you can expect from spending time together with your loved ones during the holiday season will help avoid disappointments and arguments.

• Pace yourself: do not take on more responsibilities than you can handle.
• Decide on your limits and stick to them.
• Let others share responsibilities of the holiday tasks, ask for help or accept help when it is offered.
• Make a list and prioritize from the most important activities or tasks to the least important.

 
     3. Family
Like everyone’s family that I have met, not everyone gets along. Sometimes personality’s conflict and tensions are high. Those who are closest to us know how to push our buttons and our boundaries. This can result in feeling obligated to do the things that you do not want to do.

• Set boundaries and communicate them.
• Be realistic about what you can and cannot do.
• Decide one the right amount of time to stay at your loved ones, for example, stay one night instead of a whole weekend if you feel it will be too much.

 
     4. Loss
The holidays can be a reminder of the loss of a loved one.

• Acknowledge that the holiday season won’t be the same.
• Spend time with supportive and caring people who understand.
• This is an opportunity to create new traditions with your loved one in mind, honor their memory.

 
     5. Loneliness & Isolation
Loneliness and isolation can be a concern for many people during the holidays.

• If you struggle during the holiday season, let people know to check up on you.
• Search for free activities happening in the community.
• Volunteer with a non-profit, it is humbling and rewarding.
• Most importantly, invite those within your circle who are away from their loved ones into your home. It can make the biggest difference for them when they can’t be with their loved ones.

If you are struggling with mental health during the holiday season there is support. My services are covered under health insurance and I offer sliding scale rates for those within financial limitations, are students or are on fixed income. Reach out today and start the conversation.

To your empowered wellness,
​
Exchiela

Welcome back empowered readers,

For this months empowered journal I wanted to discuss the ability of developing our empathetic skills. I felt that this topic was important after reading an article about how employers seek candidates with high emotional intelligence. Being that one of the most important components of emotional intelligence is empathy, I thought that this would be a great place to start.

Empathy is the ability to accurately put yourself “in someone else’s shoes” – to understand the other’s situation, perceptions and feelings from their point of view – and to be able to communicate that understanding back to the other person. But why is the ability to empathize with others becoming a sought after skill-set within the workplace? Because empathy is a critical skill to have as a leader, to work well within a team environment, and working to work with others.

Here are 4 ways to develop your empathetic skills:
                                                                    

1. Travel Get out of your usual environment. Travel to new places and different cultures, this will give you a better appreciation for others.
2. Self-Reflect Examine your biases. We all have hidden (and sometimes not-so-hidden) biases that interfere with our ability to listen and empathize. These are often centered on visible factors such as age, race, socioeconomic status and gender. 
3. Get Curious Cultivate your senses of curiosity. Ask yourself questions such as “what can I learn from a very young colleague who is inexperienced?” Or "what can I learn from someone whose views, religion or culture is vastly different from my own?" Curious people ask a lot of questions that help lead them into developing stronger understanding of the people around them. 
4. Question Ask better questions. Bring three or four thoughtful, even provocative questions to every conversation you have with other people like colleagues, clients or peers.  

Research has shown that empathy is partly learned and partly innate. Everyone can improve their ability to empathize with those around them. Utilizing these simple steps can help you with your empathetic abilities.

Interested in learning more about empathy? Join our free Empowered Empath group on Facebook where we provide information, perspectives, and techniques for enriching your life with the gift of empathy. Follow the link below.

To your empowered wellness,

Exchiela

Welcome back empowered readers,

For this months empowered journal I wanted to discuss three ways that self-compassion leads to greater self-love.

Compassion is the ability to show sympathy and/or concern for the suffering or misfortunes of others. Throughout my own life’s journey, I can reflect on expressing compassion when I worked as a humanitarian in Nicaragua and provided support to impoverished children and sick and abandoned animals. But what about compassion for oneself? What does that look like?

Here are three ways to show self-compassion:

1.Self-Kindness NOT Self-Judgment
Self-compassion means understanding that life is about making mistakes, failing and sometimes falling short of your own expectations. When you fail, make a mistake or feel inadequate you can practice self-compassion by being warm and understanding toward yourself instead of ignoring your pain or criticizing yourself. It’s ironic to think that it is so much easier to show compassion to others, but ultimately can be a struggle to show compassion to oneself. However, when you practice self-compassion, you can accept your reality with kindness. This can lead to experiencing greater emotional calmness.

2.Shared Human Experience NOT Isolation
“Life” can be the greatest test of all, especially when plans abruptly change due to unexpected developments. Sometimes when this happens, you can be left feeling like you are the only one suffering or making mistakes and feelings of isolation can develop. When practicing self-compassion during these times, recognize that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the collective human experience.
Every single person undergoes pain and suffering at different times in their lives, but being self-compassionate means that you understand that this isn’t something that happens to you alone. That you are not alone. That it is part of the human experience.

3.Reflection NOT Over-Identification
Feelings come and go. And it is important to show willingness about observing your thoughts, emotions and feelings with openness. In order to be self-compassionate, one must develop a balanced approach to gaining perspective about ones situation. When you become “over-identified” with your thoughts and feelings, it is important to not get caught up and swept away by negative reactivity. Instead, identify your feelings, recognize them for what they are and treat them as visitors.

Research has been shown that you can increase the habit of self-compassion through practice. You read that right, you can learn to be self compassionate. Don’t be afraid to seek help from a counsellor, psychologist or outpatient provider.

To your empowered wellness,
​
Exchiela